misterdiggs

Early 40's. Coming into the cynical years. Nothing surprises me anymore good, evil or the lack thereof. Starting to get to the point that I don't really question this existence anymore. I feel my heart drifting away from the expectation that something really good and miraculous is going to happen; to the general attitude that "no nothing magical is going to happen, life is pretty much what it has always been and this is as good as it gets."  Funny thing is life has a way of just becoming a habit. Something that you have just done consistently and because you don't know anything else you just live. The really strange thing is that I'm not in the least depressed about it. Kinda like I've come into some blissful paradigm of accepting that life is painful and confusing for the most part and there aren't any real answers.  Just a never ending enigmatic, opaque series of shadows that momentarily serve as buoys to anchor your mind to this "real illusion." Until you discover that everything you believed prior was b.s. as well. So you wade in this amorphic soup called life waiting for the next "answer?" that will sustain your insatiable need for the rock solid absolutism that you so crave only to find that in either days, months or years what you thought was a rock was in actuality a slowly eroding slab of particle board. The cycle begins again. I imagine it will be this way until I die. :)...